fail·ure [ fáylyər ] (plural fail·ures) Adjective Definition: 1. Jayson Smith

I think I am on the verge of depression (like seriously.)
Everybody seems to be ready and has their lives set. I, however, don't think that I am going anywhere. I feel like with each day, I only get even more clueless as to where I want to be, what path I should be on, blahfuckingblah.

I wake up every morning thinking, "Oh I'm going to do this today, and Oh I'm going to finish that"
But as the day goes on, I manage to finish only half of that and I'd feel terrible.

Today was the breaking point.
I was having lunch with the lunchbreakcrew, (which has multiplied btw), and as usual, I was going through my daily "mind" battle as to whether I should go to class or not. We went over so many reasons why I should go and in the end, I didn't. I honestly feel bad even if throughout the whole time I was happy-go-lucky.

It's hard to explain and I don't want to be finding something to blame it on but I feel like I have experienced too much failure in my life and failing a simple test brings a huge part of me down. I know it sounds like I'm overacting or whatever, but it really does bring me down.

I'm constantly reminded, through failures such as these, how much of a failure I'm slowly becoming and as I recall how I feel with the whole not-being-able-to-know-what-I'm-gonna-do issue just sums up why I'm depressed.

Sigh. I wish I that little boy that used to run to mommy and daddy when he needed help.
--Jaysonnn


SOS major