fail·ure [ fáylyər ] (plural fail·ures) Adjective Definition: 1. Jayson Smith

I think I am on the verge of depression (like seriously.)
Everybody seems to be ready and has their lives set. I, however, don't think that I am going anywhere. I feel like with each day, I only get even more clueless as to where I want to be, what path I should be on, blahfuckingblah.

I wake up every morning thinking, "Oh I'm going to do this today, and Oh I'm going to finish that"
But as the day goes on, I manage to finish only half of that and I'd feel terrible.

Today was the breaking point.
I was having lunch with the lunchbreakcrew, (which has multiplied btw), and as usual, I was going through my daily "mind" battle as to whether I should go to class or not. We went over so many reasons why I should go and in the end, I didn't. I honestly feel bad even if throughout the whole time I was happy-go-lucky.

It's hard to explain and I don't want to be finding something to blame it on but I feel like I have experienced too much failure in my life and failing a simple test brings a huge part of me down. I know it sounds like I'm overacting or whatever, but it really does bring me down.

I'm constantly reminded, through failures such as these, how much of a failure I'm slowly becoming and as I recall how I feel with the whole not-being-able-to-know-what-I'm-gonna-do issue just sums up why I'm depressed.

Sigh. I wish I that little boy that used to run to mommy and daddy when he needed help.
--Jaysonnn


SOS major

I hate having to say Goodbye.
Like honestly. Even just the casual "Bye! See you tomorrow"
kind of thing, is dreadful.

Like Goodbyes, in my opinion, represents the end.
~The end of the day
~The end of a relationship
~The end of life?

Luckily, there's always Hello.
Because it reminds us that after every end, comes a new beginning.

Is that how the saying goes?

Anywho, my day was ok.
Kind of depressing with every new confirmed swine flu case reminding me
that one way or another, I'm bound to get it and seriously, I'm not ready
to face it. In fact, I'm kind of scared, though I'm not scared of having it.
I'm just scared of spreading to innocent people and of course my love ones.
I don't want to be blamed for spreading a life-sucking virus that everyone
in the world knows about. I do hope that they find something to prevent it from
spreading any more than it already is because there are gross and vile people out there
that don't seem to care that there's a virus on the loose.
LIKE GO AHEAD AND KEEP COUGHING BITCHES!

Shit. I don't like to ramble on useless things like this but people, especially
parents, like I know you love your kids and you think they're cute or what not,
but when you allow your kid to cough with their mouths open, it's like so freaking
gross. Learn a thing or two, and teach your damn kids to cover their mouths k?

Because that's probably why we have 33 Cases of Swine Flu already!
Careless bitches.

--Jayson
Have a good night.

Lasts

Last Day of the Week.
Last Day to skip.
Last Day for us.

--Jaysonn

This needs to end.
So, GOODBYE

It was fun while it lasted.

Lazy days

It's times like these that make me wish I actually like math.
I'm so sad.

I have no life.

So today, I gave myself a reason to go to class. (& I mean all my classes.)
Like I literally woke up and told myself. "I'm gonna go to class "

& what happens?
I don't go to class.
Sigh.

Well, i did go to my personal adjustment class.
& i like it.
but i hate math...


--Jaysonn
bitch im too lazy
have a goodday

Week in Review

I can't believe that I lasted a week.
I'm so sad. I always feel like I'm really wasting my time & I am making the wrong decisions.

Not to mention wasting major a lot of money!

I am glad to be spending time with the people I spend time with on my break.
It's refreshing somewhat, to see these familiar faces everyday, and it gives me that drive to continue.

It's like, because they're doing it and continuing, I will as well.

So to you all, the LUNCHBREAKCLUB, (Yay, I gave us a name)
THANK YOU!

lol
--Jayson
talk about sentimental moment.

Second is the best..

Today seemed to be better.

I think I am getting used to "collegelife".

I am a bit tired though. I don't seem to have time for anything and I'm living a fast-paced lifestyle.

Sigh. I do hope to finish with flying colors.
Does that make sense?

So far I'm doing well. I'm just really overwhelmed right now.
The work load is pretty tiring.

LOL

I'm like really contradicting myself right now.

--Jayson

First Day High

So today I started summer session c at the University of Guam.

Sadly, I had to take it because I am the most stupidest person in math..

Sigh, why couldn't I just be as smart as everyone else that got MA110.

Oh well, I think this will somehow help me work on my dedication as a student.
Unfortunately however, I feel like I'm just lying to myself when I say that..

We'll just see later on in the month.

So I totally had an embarrassing moment. Shet. It's so stupid. Like seriously.
OMG!

--Jayson

School is becoming very interesting.

Short and Simple...

I start my classes tomoroo..

& it is official.

I AM GOING INSANE!

--Jaysonn

Details on my first day and more tomoroo!

WISH ME LUCK!

Slow Days

Each day is special. There are Happy Days, Sad Ones, Exciting, Angry, Blahblah.

Well, Today was.. SLOW.

I don't seem to have anything to do now. I woke up at 12pm and continued & finished reading TWILIGHT. Does that make sense? Well whatever, it took 2 hours. I talked to Marlene while I showered, (yes i do that) and went to work by 3:45 and in time for my 4 oclock shift.

Honestly, I have very few interest now. The days are just passing by & I don't seem to mind it. In fact, I feel very terrible for allowing myself to exhibit my lack of interest in public. It isn't fair to my friends and to the people around me because my negative aura is contagious and I feel so selfish. I can't help but think however, that I shouldn't feel this way. Can I actually feel any bit excited or interested by this routined way-of-living. Obviously not, the world is full of greedy bitches that seem to care more about making a living than taking any interest in what's around them. Unfortunately, I've fallen in to the "greedy bitch" category.

Sigh..

--Jayson

Beware, you might get sucked in.

First Things First...

I am Jayson

& I have finally arrived

& I am relieved to have found a place to blog

& I think MYSPACE is getting boring

So expect everything. I will blog it all.

--Jayson