i feel...

~left behind
~foolish
~unwanted
~stupid
~all alone
~not important

sometimes I wish I could go back in time and make up for all the chances that I lost...



chances to be with youuuu

GFS cancelletion and more

i need inspiration.
i can't seem to add anymore to the 3 sentences that I have already written.

just to let you all know:

Y'all are awesome,beautiful, and important to me in your own ways.
It's too much for me to have to write about the many ways you each light up my days and fill the void that a real girlfriend would do. Just don't stop what y'all do. And I'll love you all forever.

----------------------
I want to play an instrument or do something interesting.
So, I put up this video on youtube that was meant for one eye to see.
Now, I have 52 views and I was hoping that that one person watched it that many times.
Sadly, other people have seen it already. SO I thought, "Why not put others?"
Then, I went to watch other covers of other songs..

and I think I'm not as good as the ones I've watched.
There are people singing while dancing, or singing while playing guitar like Gabe Bondoc, and
there are people singing with each other like RinontheRox. I need to do something different...

I feel like singing, like just singing, is so plain..Ugh. I don't do plain. But I might just have to live with it.. We'll see..

PS. Im not tryna fish for compliments.. I know what I sound like.. So don't comment on my insecurities. (Just saying)

--Jayson

GFS

Marlene~Bestfriend Sent from Above!

Marlene Claudia Calicdan Reyes, (I think that's her full name HAHA!) has been my bestfriend for as long as I can remember. It's funny because we think so much alike!

She is the one person I can run to when I need to tell my deepest darkest secrets and I know I can totally trust her. Of course, she tells me her deepest darkest secrets tooo.. and guess what? I'LL NEVER TELL. lol

Recently, because of my current depression, (haha) I've been thinking about which friends I will still have when I'm 60. Marlene was the first on my list. I never ever want to not be friends with her and I'm sure that she feels the same with me.. After all, we freakishly have the same thoughts somehow. It's like were twins!

I can't wait to go on our European excursions before she gets married.
Sigh, so many things to do before then..
One thing we need to do soon is HANGOUT!
BEST! I HAVEN'T SEEN OR TALKED TO YOU IN FOREVER!!
SO MUCH I NEED TO TELL YOU!! CALL MEEEEE! Let's eat dinner tomorrow at our usual!

--Jayson

Girl "FRIEND" series

So, I was talking about how I wrote a blog and put as a diary entry..

I was thinking of just posting that same "diary" as public..
but I'm not that predictable...

But don't worry, your turn will come..

You seee, starting today, Ima feature one girl on my top until I'm done with my top..

TODAY's LUCKY GIRL IS......

ELOISA~More than friends
LOILOI has always, for some reason, been linked to me.
It was annoying at first, but I learned to live with it..
Now, we're closer than ever.
I can truly say that she was the closest to what could've been something more..
Does that make sense?
Sadly, She's leaving and I dont wanna take my chances..

I still love her and I will always.
She will forever have a place in my heart.
and we will forever stay more than friends, less than lovers.
If there is a label for that, I would've put it, I just dont think theres a label for that.

deer in headlights

I can't believe what I just heard.

Once again I am the last to know.
Or at least one of the lasts.

Smile and Laugh it off

When in pain, I'm sure that we just love to sulk about it.
I know that's all I did when I was in "pain". SULK.
Talk about disgusting. It sucks to think that even the most heartless of people face pain.
But then again, when I think about it, people can become heartless because of pain.

No one wants to feel it and yet we do things that put us close to it.

I remember this one day when I was younger. My mom told me not to plug anything in the electrical-socket-things because I will die. As a kid, you'd probably expect me to listen, but NO, boy was I stupid.....Let's just say, I was never going to plug anything in after the "shock".

You see, even if we know how harmless something could be, we want to actually experience it to "tell the tale". It's a part of human nature. Kind of like that saying, "To see is to believe" but in this case, its To FEEL is to believe.

No wants to hear about something interesting and not experience it. How would you relate right?

It sucks though because there are some things that some people just do not want to experience yet. In my case, it was having feelings for someone. I mean, we hear about it all the time and we have to see it as well. (Why can't people stop talking about it? It's not important! I mean, having a healthy, prosperous life is important yet you don't hear people constantly talking about it.)

Any who, When I hear and see love, I'm reminded of that one day with the electric socket again. They say don't fall in to it and as much as I agree, I still can't help but fall. Sadly however, you can either be lucky or not.

For me, lets just say I felt the "shock" again. Not the love shock that people "claim" to feel when they're so in love but the shock that makes you NOT want to feel it.

Yea, It sucks and I always think I'm sad but then I remember that my mom said I would die if I touched the socket.. & DID I?

Remembering that I didn't die reminds me that just because it didn't work out this time doesn't mean it won't work out ever. Like with the whole SOCKET issue, I was scared to plug stuff in before and now I do it all the time! I'm sure, and I've said this a billion times, that there is a person for me just as there is a person for everybody. It can be sad to think that I wasn't lucky this time, but hey, SMILE & LAUGH IT OFF and everything will be better right? At least, in my case, that's a fact I can stand by.

--Jayson

Moving on

World Of Chances Lyrics

You've got a face for a smile, you know.
A shame you waste it when you're breaking me slowly.
But I've got a world of chances, for you.
I've got a world of chances, for you.
I've got a world of chances, chances that you're burning through.

I've got a paper and pen.
I go to write, you good by and that's when I know I've
got a world of chances for you.
I've got a world of chances, for you.
I've got a world of chances, chances that you're burning through.

Ohhh, I'm going my own way.
My faith has lost its strength again.
& Ohhhh, it's been too hard to say we've fallen off the edge again.
We're at an end.
We're at an end.


Maybe you'll call me someday.
Hear the operator say the numbers no good and that He had a world of chances for you.
He had a world of chances, for you.
He had a world of chances, chances you were burning through.
Chances you were burning through.
Chances you were burning through.

Ooooo

You've got a face for a smile, you know.